The science about emotions and self regulation tells us that regulation is learned in relationship, when a child ‘tunes in’ to a parent, and the parent ‘tunes in’ to the child. The parent’s tuning in and understanding the child’s experience is what helps the child calm, or regulate.
Children aren’t born with the brain wiring to self regulate. They need a consistent, available adult to learn to calm and regulate so they can begin to calm themselves as they get older. Toxic stress interrupts this and your ability to soothe and support builds this brain architecture.
For more information, you can watch this video from Harvard The Developing Child website: